If Nothing Else- March 15 2026

  I need everyone to know the God I know and love.  See, the one thing we all get wrong is having too small a view of God.

I’ve always loved stories, and here are some of the stories that have helped me as I try to put to words what my mind can’t convey but my heart knows beyond a shadow of doubt.

In the Chronicles of Narnia, Aslan - the true king of Narnia and an analogy for our Jesus and God - is explained by his followers this way: “Who said anything about safe?  ‘Course he isn’t safe.  But he’s good.  He’s the king, I tell you.”  Our God isn’t safe.  In fact, He’s promised us hardship and suffering- inextricably connected with His comfort and glory.  And what He asks us to walk through with Him, He’s walked through Himself.  As we share in Christ’s sufferings, we share in His glory and comfort.  We are not asked to suffer arbitrarily, we are asked to share in God’s wild, hard, beautiful plan of love and renewal and healing from brokenness.

In The Hiding Place, Corrie ten Boom remembers asking her father to explain an overheard and not-understood adult concept to her.  Instead of trying to answer, he simply asked her to carry his suitcase for him.  She tried and couldn’t.  He responds, “It’s the same way, Corrie, with knowledge.  Some knowledge is too heavy for children.  When you are older and stronger you can bear it.  For now you must trust me to carry it for you.”  As Corrie goes on to face unimaginable pain and suffering, she realizes that our Heavenly Father asks the same of us.

And oh, my God is infinitely more than worthy of this trust!  My God is not safe; He is bigger and more wild and beautiful and infinite and good than anything I could possibly imagine.  And He has not only willingly adopted me, but pursued me, waited for me, and gave His life for me.  I think of The Shack, when Papa reminds Mack, “Don’t ever think that what my Son chose to do didn’t cost us dearly.  Love always leaves a significant mark.  We were there together.” He's wholeheartedly chosen to love me with a love that cost Him everything. And what He has done for me, He has done every bit as much for you. Because He loves you, so much more than we will ever be able to comprehend.

I don’t understand why this is happening.  There are so, so many things I don’t understand.  But that heavy knowledge is more than I can carry, and I thank Papa God as I entrust it to Him.

This season of life has been a new one in an exciting and encouraging way.  See, I’ve navigated many difficult seasons.  At times, it feels my whole life has been one challenging season after another.  Each circumstance leaves me feeling caught off my guard, confused, angry, questioning.  And time and time again, God has held me fast, carried me through, and shown His mercy and grace.

Then this season came, and my first thought wasn’t “God, why is this happening?  Why are You letting this happen?”  No, my good and gracious God gave me peace so that when this chapter started, all I could say was, “Thank You, God, for holding onto me through this and trusting me with another chapter of Your beautiful story.  Please show me what You have for me in this season.”

And may I just say, this is ONLY God.  There is no way on earth my broken, doubting mess of a mind and body could realize this on my own.  During this time, I’ve had the privilege of memorizing 2 Corinthians 1 (hopefully more chapters to be memorized!), and I want to quote verses 8-10 here because they so concisely explain this:

For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia.  For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.  Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death.  But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.  He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us.  On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.

See, I'm just a flaming wreck. The last few days I've only been able to sit, doing nothing but rocking back and forth as I panic over... well, everything. I've struggled through hours awake, only to be followed by fitful rounds of nightmares and jolting awake in dread and fear. Waking up each morning has filled me with dread, and sleep doesn't want to come at night. I've been inwardly focused, fearful, and stressed. And yet my Father has firmly held and carried me. He's shown me the beauty only He can bring. Psalm 23:5- You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. The feast doesn't start after the enemies are gone. They're still here when You prepare this table for me. But You anoint my head with oil. You choose me, You make make holy. And my cup overflows. My enemies surround, but I have more than I need. And verse 6, SURELY Your goodness and mercy shall follow me ALL the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

So Father, I take Your hand and I cling to it. I thank You for the pain, for the moments of tangibly experiencing Your love through the incredible service and care of my brothers and sisters. I thank You for the moments of sobbing and clinging to Your goodness, and I thank You for the moments of praising You as I see glimpses of Your work. I thank you for the hours You've given me for lifting up and remembering my dear brothers and sisters in Your presence and sitting with You as I entrust their lives, their struggles, their pains to You. Thank You for the truly miraculous gift of truth memorization, all the more incredible a gift as I lose entire days and moments to memory loss. Thank You that even as my memory fails, Your truth stays in my mind. Thank You that even as emotions, mental health challenges, and lies from the enemy roar like waves wanting to drown me, Your peace is even stronger and more constant. And more than anything, thank You that even as I grieve and mourn the loss of physical health, mental health, strength, sense of belonging and family, that I get ever more of the only thing that matters - You, in Your infinite, not-safe-but-always-good Self. Father God, all we have is You, and that is absolutely everything.